The Aging Mama and Her Lonely Womb!

Yes, quite the dramatic title! But today I’m sitting drinking my cuppa, my heart filled with emotion. As a single woman in her late 30’s I’m acutely aware of my pending change in fertility. Dont get me wrong! There is no question that I’m so much luckier than many families out there who struggle to become pregnant and who suffer loss. After a miscarriage 10 years ago, I now have two beautifully healthy kids.

My youngest turned 6 today- for me, it brings a feeling of disbelief. The boy who was attached to me for the first 2 years of his life. The boy who’s cheeky ways has shone through since the day he was born. The boy is who has brought so much mischief and joy to my tiny family. He’s becoming so much more independent every single moment. This year, my eldest turns 10! TEN! How on earth did this beautiful little boy grow so quickly? The boy who still loves cuddles but no longer sneaks in to sleep next to me. The boy who’s wicked sense of humor makes me laugh every day and the pure gentleness that pours through his soul.

Brothers fight, my two are no different. Sometimes it breaks my heart to see the two of them so viciously angry towards each other, over the most trivial of things. But then they are so incredibly close, they sleep next to each other. They play together and take care of each other. It makes me so warm and fuzzy in my heart when I see that. Like, yes! I’m doing something right.

So I sit here today, so grateful for my boys and the pure, unconditional love they bring to me every day. The two souls who make sure I work hard every day

to be a better person. Watching them grow has been nothing but a privilege. As time passes, they’ll need me in very different capacities. I’m not sure I’m ready to let go of the madness and chaos that comes with raising kids. With the chaos, comes endless love and yes, madness too! My future obsolescence shines clearer every day. Yet my ‘aging’ womb aches today. It will pass I’m sure- biology sure is fascinating!